Darwin Awards

Total Pull-Up Count: 26,600

If you ever want to feel like you sit at the top of the gene-pool, just go to the grocery store during the apocalypse.. and wait to use the self-checkout lane. There was a lady trying to get 40lbs of potatoes (like she was in math class equation) and would growl (yes growl), “JEE-SUHS CHA-RIST” every time a potato would roll off the baggage area. To make matters worse, this particular Safeway JUST installed self-checkout, and they put the kiosk backwards (also there’s 3 kiosks and one is already broken). So equation lady started loading the potatoes on what is usually the right side, had to transfer to the other side, kept getting confused, screamed our lawd and savior’s name, and I was finished up when she was halfway through weighing her roots. Amazing.