The Challenge of These "Challenges"

Alright… so what is the re-brand? Personally, I just don’t do too well if I’m not actively working towards something. I flounder around if I don’t have structure so thank god for the Apple Watch that tells me when to stand and breath. Anyways, as all three of you know, I was signed up for a triathlon that was supposed to be on Halloween but was cancelled due to the pandemic. The training wasn’t wasted by any means though, I took plenty of shirtless “thirst trap” pics and received plenty of DMs that pretty much amounted to “talking” for 2.5 weeks, and then me… ghosting (naturally). Just adding to the narrative of “Men Are TRASH.” You’re welcome!! Anyways, since my last post, I’ve gone down the rabbit hole of the wonderful world of Bitcoin and Cryptocurrency (like every douche bag does). Took a few courses on day trading. Completely neglected my studying to become a personal trainer. Paid off my student loans and became debt free and have a credit score of 805. And finally got a haircut! It was a sad day but I needed to cut the quarantine locks.

As you can see, I tend to get interested in something for a few weeks, only to never return to it, yet I pretend to be an expert after my brief studying. A jack of all trades, master of none - if you will. I need some structure. Life was good when I had my stupid pull-up challenge. I knew exactly what my plan was for the foreseeable future, which was literally just pull-ups. Such a simple era of the pandemic, I miss it dearly.

So with that being said, what should my new challenge be? What is something that I can get slightly better than mediocre at? That’s literally all I care about, just being slightly better than the average person. Feel free to reach out to me directly or drop a comment (LMAOOO no one will read this, the comment section is going to be full of cobwebs)

Hey… It’s Been A While

Today was supposed to be the day of my race. Everything is cancelled this year… fun, Ellen DeGenerous… and also… my triathlon. I woke up this morning realizing how NOT in shape I would be for a 1 mi. swim, 25 mi. bike ride, and 6.2 mi. run today, but that’s okay. I switched back to getting caked-up instead of working on my endurance. What is “running far” going to do for me? Anyways, here’s some progress pics.

Evan Boydstun looking to the left like he’s on the cover of a Christian Rock Band album cover.

Evan Boydstun looking to the left like he’s on the cover of a Christian Rock Band album cover.

Current Specs:

Weight: 185lbs (after my morning coffee poo) up about 6 lbs since the start of quarantine.

Hair: needs a trim.

Tan: still got it.

Shadows and shading: *chef’s kiss*

Update

It’s a sad day here in the desert. To give some context, I was lost and lonely after I finished my 100K pull-ups. I had no purpose in life. Absolutely nothing to live for except maintaining these washboard abs. I was in a funk, simple as that. I realized that I’m inherently competitive with myself in anything I do and I needed some sort of competition based event to get me out of this lull. I figured: I know how to swim, I know how to ride a bike, and I know how to run, why not sign up for a triathlon in 8 weeks? Well, that’s exactly what I did, and I’ve been training for it every day for the last 2 weeks. I regret to inform all 3 of you that read this blog, that the triathlon has been cancelled. Not ideal, even though the competitors are most likely the pinnacle of health, but we have to adhere to the rules and regulations. No worries, I’m just going to keep up my training because I like looking like an athlete for no damn reason.

Evan Boydstun with his signature stupid smirk.

Evan Boydstun with his signature stupid smirk.

2mi Is The Standard.

Alright so it’s been almost 3 weeks since I’ve finished my challenge. Not gunna lie, I was just a lost soul swimmin in a fish bowl the first few days because I wanted my body to heal. I only last 2 days of no pull-ups but now I’m not breaking my back just to do 500 in a day. I have a new program I’m doing that is a combination of weight-lifting and endurance training. So I run 2 miles a day at the minimum. Yesterday though, I ran 2 miles with a 20lbs weight vest, but more on that later.

Evan Boydstun with that stupid smirk

Evan Boydstun with that stupid smirk

Epilogue

…10 days later, I’ve lost all my gains.
jk

Evan Boydstun

Evan Boydstun

This picture looks phenomenal in black and white too (see below)

Evan Boydstun

Evan Boydstun

In all seriousness though, I feel extremely liberated now that I don’t have to do 500 pull-ups every day. Yeah yeah I know I didn’t have to do that EVERY day but you don’t understand what this did to my head. The whole thing turned in to a game. It started with 300 pull-ups a day, split between two sessions. Then I was able to do 300 in an hour. Then I kicked it up to 400 in two sessions, and then 500 (300 during lunch, 200 after work). Eventually I got to the point where I could do 500 pull-ups in 40 minutes flat.
Also, since I posted my thirst trap Instagram last week, I’ve had about 40 different people (seriously I appreciate it) reach out to me and ask me about my workout where I jokingly would say “500 pull-ups and a rotisserie chicken. Every. Single. Day.” Which is an absolute lie. Along with the 100,000 pull-ups, there was about 100,000 push-ups to go along with them. At least 10,000 handstand push-ups. Also, if you remember, I built a barbell that I used for everything else. Also also, add in a hike every weekend. Also also ALSO, When I came back to the desert in May, my dad had a full gym ready for me. So add in a few thousand squats and deadlifts. Basically, 100,000 pull-ups help… but I didn’t JUST do that. Sorry, I’m a fraud.

100K

I figured I’d go out with style and knock out 2 goals at once. I ended up doing 1,000 pull-ups today, which put me at my goal of 100,000 on the year. Now I know what you’re all thinking (all three of you that read this), “THeReS No wAy yOu CaN dO 1000 PuLl uPs iN a DaY!!” Fine, the last 100 reps were.. questionable but come on, give me a break, most people can’t even do one pull up! Regardless, I have the rest of the year to knock out the last 100 pull-ups BUT let’s take a gander at how stupid my back looks.

Evan Boydstun

Evan Boydstun

This is an 8.5 month difference. December 14th 2019 to current day. I can’t stop laughing at how dumb my back looks lol, I love it! Since this is the 100K post, I feel like I need to be a bit more sentimental so let’s run through the last few months:

When I embarked on this audacious/ludicrous goal, there were so many arm-chair quarter backs that all said it can’t be done. Just because YOU can’t do it, doesn’t mean I can’t. Losers.

I was only able to do about 300 pull-ups a day and I would have to split them up with 150 in the morning and 150 at night.

Then the Pandemic hit in March (arguably the best thing to ever happen to my body and liver).

To keep my sanity, all I did was work out. I very conveniently only had a pull-up bar. My professional life was in shambles, so to overcompensate and feel like I had a sense of control, I went OVERBOARD on the personal development. So far, this year I’ve:

  • Read 19 Books

  • got in to running, hit a 6:07 mile time, while I’m a ball of meat.

  • Ran a 5K in 24 minutes (give me a break, this is good for me)

  • Ran a spartan race

  • Kicked a nicotine addiction cold turkey (it was easy)

  • got a puppy (bby gurl, Denali)

  • Learned the Harmonica and Banjo (sorta… not really)

  • Started writing music again

  • Haven’t gotten a haircut since February

  • Did 1000 pull-ups in a day (today)

  • Signed up for health insurance (big deal)

  • raised my credit score to 762, not impressive but still going up since my only debt left are student loans

  • Did yoga twice, probably never going to do it again

  • Haven’t gotten covid (I think I haven’t?)

  • Gained 3 lbs. so I’m a consistent 180lbs. even in the morning after my coffee poo.

And many many more to come.

So…. everything I listed… none of it matters. Yes, I feel like I’ve been able to accomplish a ton of things since we started working from home, but my favorite part about this time is the personal development.

95K

So close. And my fingers hurt so damn bad. Am I gripping the pull-up bar too tight out of sheer anger at myself for coming up with such a stupid yet audacious goal? I hate how when I commit to something, I have to go through with it (sounds like a “so what’s your greatest weakness?” interview answer). Anyways, I was going through some pictures and saw I had a vain back picture from December 13th 2019.

Evan Boydstun

Evan Boydstun

A few things to note in this 7.5 month difference:

  1. I’m perma-tan with WFH.

  2. I haven’t gotten a haircut since February.

  3. I wear a gold chain, thank you Jaxxon.

  4. I eat a rotisserie chicken every day instead of 15 chicken wings.

  5. And self timer is still my best friend apparently.

Lighting Is Everything.

Total Pull-Up Count: 90,500
Once again… and I cannot stress this enough. Lighting is absolutely everything. At about 1:30pm, the sun hits just… about… right… and

Evan Boydstun

Evan Boydstun

However, something important to note… you still gotta put in the work to have the shadows, so if anything, slap a filter on and call it a day. But don’t worry, there’s always summer of 2021 to work towards! I get it though, quarantine hasn’t been the same for everyone. It was honestly the best thing to ever happen to my body (and liver). However, I’ll be the first one to admit that I overcompensate in my personal life for an extra sense of control, since I don’t have the best grip of my professional life. You win some you lose some. Luckily I’m losing this battle with abs.

Running Is Easy.

Total Pull-Up Count: 62,000

Alright. Running is a joke. I ran a 5K today with ZERO training, and just straight willpower. Just a tad below 25 minutes. This is the longest I’ve ever ran, and I’m a meatball with tiny legs, and size 12 clown shoes. If I can do this sport with ease, I’d love for a runner to put up a decent squat, at least bench their weight (which wouldn’t be too much, Ive seen how sickly some of you runners look), or just do literally ANYTHING physically taxing.

Evan Boydstun’s 5K time.

Evan Boydstun’s 5K time.

Okay I know what some of you will say.. “I mean that’s just an average time… blah blah” yeah but I haven’t been training the past decade and realistically I didn’t know what I was doing and just jammin out to some Expendables. I know I can get a competitive time with just willpower once again but goddamn this sport is boring.

In The Beginning Pt. 2

Total Pull-Up Count: 49,500

One of my very first posts to kick off this extremely successful blog was about my origin story of when I was a little chubster. However, my mom dug up something from the archives while she was quarantine cleaning that needs to be shared: My 5th Grade Science Fair Project (apparently we’re hoarders because why do we still have that preserved?!). Anyways, while most 10-year-olds did projects the night before, chya boi went all the way to district. My experiment was called “Kid Fit” (see below, my writing has looked exactly the same since 5th grade).

IMG_8224.jpeg

Basically, for about 8 weeks, I trained every day with my dad to “see the affect that exercise has on the body” (yeah no shit it’s good for you lol). Below you can see my extremely technical analysis of my results, and would you look at that.. went from ZERO pull-ups to ONE. So truly, this is the beginning. Unfortunately, I got fat the next year via sleeves of Oreos and Dr. Pepper but hey, still pretty neat.

IMG_8223.png

Big Banter Guy Over Here

Total Pull-Up Count: 45,000

There’s nothing more than I miss right now than a good ole’ fashioned roast sesh in the office. There’s nothing better than when a colleague drops an absolute mic drop of an insult that almost hits too close to home, because deep down, I know there’s truth to whatever they’re saying. The sole reason why I started to get in shape was because my little brother called me fat (seriously Troy, thank you so much). It also made me realize that I was fragile, and if I was going to dish it, I had to be able to take it. There’s nothing more motivating than a below-the-belt insult that is 100% true. I get it, not everyone operates like that blah blah blah, but seriously, I just needed to be called “fat” one more time, and that’s what completely re-wired my brain. Accepting feedback is key to growth, even when it’s packaged as a joke at your expense (good god I’ve been reading too much self-help books in quarantine). Start roasting yourself. I’m 5’9” on a good day (with shoes on) and I have an absolutely punchable face. I mean just look at that smirk. Did I use self timer for this? Absolutely. Am I vain? Probably.. but I’ve done 45,000 pull-ups this year. I’ll most likely get melanoma before age 30, and squeak when I walk because of my leathery skin, but look at that tan.

Evan Boydstun

Evan Boydstun

The point of all that is… I really wanted to post this picture. So go ahead, lay your best insult on me… I need the banter.